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Vanished By Your Thoughts

Why do we doubt a possibility?
Why do we ignore a connection?
What if it could be a beautiful lie, yet we are afraid of giving it a chance?
Life is about taking chances, so why won’t you take my hand?
I opened my heart, although I knew it wasn’t time. You couldn’t hold my hand, while I crossed the boulevard of hope.
You got lost in your unstable thoughts of who you could be without me.
I crossed the street and left your hand slowly slip off my heart.
It was your unstable thoughts that made me vanish in the clear blue sky.
The ones that made my smile disappear from your hardest times.
You tried to forget my memory, yet every time the wind touched your lips; you remember the first time we kissed.

I became vanished by your thoughts.
The ones that didn’t allow me to come back.
The bitter ones that only let you live a lie, although you somehow fantasized about the times we had. We live lie when we reject someone we want.
We regret not letting them into our hearts, yet we push them away.
Althou…

Just a Little Poetry

My Name

To older people it represents a song, "Perfume de Gardenia."
To my father it represents the first flower he gave my mother on their first date.
To my mother it represents a strong flower who needs love, light, and water to bloom.
The flower that captivates anyone with her scent.
To me, it was the flower my mother used in her bouquet on her fantasized wedding day.

Growing up everyone close called me YOYE, since no one could say my name correctly.
The mean girls always made fun of my name.
Somehow every time I had a new substitute teacher, they loved my name,
but the mean girls will cover in revenge my hair with spit balls.
Every other month, I had a new hair cut.
While my petals began to develop, I suddenly began to hate my name.
 Once I reached high school and discovered the resemblance of a Gardenia.
My definition of my name changed; She was pure, beautiful, and captivated everyone with her seductive scent.

I believe I represent my name. I am  blooming, strong,  an…

Getting AHEAD

When a woman is getting ahead in life or in business, why do we immediate assume she "Gave Head" to man who has power? Instead of poor judgment or jealousy gossip remarks, maybe we should see the bigger picture; she worked hard to get AHEAD in their success. Whether it was with her education, or education;  she worked hard to get her position and respect in the media industry.

It is hard for a woman to be successful in the media industry without being discriminated. Men will always underestimate us, or expect our legs to be open  in their private office in exchange for an opportunity to get ahead. It might take 5-15 minutes of uncomfterable sex but at the end of the day, your reputation as a woman will be ruined. I am sure he will spread the word within the industry and sooner or later, your legs will be required to be open more than once.

I can relate regarding this issue because, I am a woman in the media industry who has been mistaken by others actions. Instead of men ta…

Playing With Fireworks

What happened on making your own fireworks'? Do we need some help in that department or maybe a little musical inspiration? Or is it because we are single, busy, or we forgot how to light up the matches and have some fun with a little bit of playful flames. Do we really have to wait till Wednesday or Sunday night to get the matches out to some slow jams from our local radio stations? If you said yes to most of my questions then please take note to the rest of my blog; it might come a little handy to your next firework session.

Sometimes a little musical inspiration might help light up your fireworks that have been in the basement for more than a month, or maybe longer. Yikes! I am not telling you to get freaky or call someone over to help light you up, but to please yourself with some seductive melodies that can help your fire spark just a little. There is nothing wrong with a naughty jam here and there. I mean, there is a reason why artist sing about making fireworks better yet…

The Power of the Kitty

This blog might be a little risky, but after many stories I hear on my gossip sessions with my girl friends and study sessions with guys, I think its time to talk about the power of the Kitty (Pussy).

Not many of us want to admit it but the kitty is very powerful in and out of relationships. As a kitty owner I can admit, it has worked in my advantage at times, but  sometimes its high demand can get  annoying. I keep my kitty to myself and do not let anyone try to control on how many times it can go outside and play because its my kitty, not theirs.

Ladies, we all know how many times we had used our kitties to our advantage, right? No shame, but we are playing smart. We do not have to let everyone pet our kitty or try to take it out on a walk. Its ours! We have control. Yes, there might be a few friendly potential pet owners who might be qualified but at the end of the day, its our choice if we want to let the kitty out and play.

I have heard, seen, and in some cases been in situation…

A Modern Queen

When it comes to family values, how close are we to the Queens of our house?
My mother is the Queen at home. She has raised four children in her own throne without a king.. I see her as a modern Queen since she raised all her children, went to college, and has a professional job. There was a few prince charming's here and there, but none won the key to her kingdom. She achieved all this without a Kings help, but with patience, structure, and discipline.

Her throne relocated quite a few times. From Mexicali, B.C. Mexico all the way to Redwood City, California. We all followed our Queen. She will give us a task on our journey and we followed her throne. I was the first princess, but she calls me her Queen. I am her first daughter and her Reina. My sister Iliana came along, and she became the princess. A few battles in my mothers kingdom lead us to having the arrival of our prince Emmanuel. He came a  few years later.

After my Queen had her little army of children, we moved to anot…

What does "Dating", really mean?

Every  generation is different when it comes to dating. There are so many different meanings to the term or what others see as a label.

       To the old school traditional single birds, dating means taking the time to know someone, develop a relationship, and the intimacy. In our generation, dating means having sex first, then you get to know the person, and eventually meet the parents;  only if you both come to an agreement on dating in a relationship. In other words, we take the car for a test drive before singing the lease.
     We forget the values our parents have endorsed when it comes to having respect on dating someone. From opening the door of the car, to holding  hands, or asking for permission on taking someone on a date. Now we don't ask for permission but sometimes wont even come home until the next morning from our date. We do not even have gentlemen opening our doors but unzipping our jeans, and we no longer hold hands but have their hands caress our ass whi…

What does LOVE mean to you?

What does Love mean to you? Does it mean affection, gifts, sex, or just a phrase we tend to say?

Many lovers have different  definitions of what love means or better yet; what should it be.  I see couples saying "I love you" instead of , "Thank you." Or guys telling girls they love the way the look in exchange of sexual favors. What happened to the real meaning of love or is there a real meaning in this generation?

I am very old school I must say. See to me, Love means respect. I was raised that if you love someone, you respect them. I can admit that in my old puppy love days in high school how without respect; my so called relationships did not last no more than two months. Just enough time to have a boyfriend for the next school dance. It was childish and immature but we all know how those days go.

I have learned that without the foundation of respect in a relationship; love wont be pure nor last. Not having respect in relationships can suddenly make the love shi…

Arab women with Rebellion

When you hear the terms Arab women and Rebellion, whats the first thing that comes to mind? Trouble in the Middle East right?

I must say, not all Arabs are terrorist or trouble makers but if we have to rebel towards our rights, why not. I do not live in the Middle East but coming from such back ground, I am rebelling against my culture by working in the media industry. My Arab family is ashamed and some what proud of my accomplishments at my age. I have been told that I will never find a great Arab man who will want a woman who is desired by the media audience because in his eyes; I live in Haram!

Lets be honest, everyone is a sinner in some kind of way. No one is HOLY and if they claim they are then they are ignorants!

I am an Arab woman who lives with Rebellion because despite the rules, and criticism; I will continue my career as a producer and talent. Yes, Hollywood comes with temptation but in reality; what doesn't these days. I do not wear my Hijab all the time, nor cover my…

The love of my Father

First of all I will like to wish a Happy Fathers Day to all the Fathers who are there for their children and for those to take care of the ones that love them as if they were their own. Congratulations.

I grew up with my fathers absence due to a few parental issues while I was developing into a young lady. Disregard the absence, I never doubted the love of my father. I used to see him once a year since I grew up in different countries and hours away while he stayed in San Francisco. Weekly phone conversations and typical, "I love you my little princess," quotes from my father helped me through the rough childhood I had growing away from my fathers presence.

Even with the  distance, he was still there in spirit. He has been the man in my life and the one man that will always be the love of my life. I am proud to not only be his Little Princess but also his youngest child. I believe the distance we had while I developed into becoming a woman helped me grow into my fathers lov…

Mixed Signals

When it comes to getting to know someone we like, do we get mixed signals?

I know I had a few mixed signals in the past.  From the typical, "I like you", to the "Lets just be friends", quotes. Honestly it sucks to like someone yet they turn you down for whatever reason but at the end, only God knows your love story.

 Lets face it, everyone gets mixed signals. Women are as guilty as men are. I know I had given a few guys  mixed signals but at the end, its all a strategy. I like you, or I am not that into you! The more we know of the person we share chemistry defines what kind of signal we send them.

The ladies signal strategy...

Ok guys here it goes so put attention. We don't want to have a friend with benefits unless we want to feel like sluts from time to time. If we want you, we will send the signal of desire for a relationship. What I mean with that is how we will suggest you meeting the family, going on a romantic date, (not the movies) and
seeing you on a …

Thirsty Men

When it comes to thirsty "men", how thirsty can they get?

I know this summer is hot but there is a ridiculous amount of THIRSTY men out there. I am beginning to think there is a Thirsty Men Apocalypse coming our way. It is really hard to find a gentleman, sweet guy, or a man with class. I came with a few categories of a few guys that have been extremely thirsty with me in the past and a few stories some of my girlfriends had shared with me.

Thirsty guys go by categories...


The horny guy at the bar. He tries to strike a conversation while your at the bar trying to order your drink, yet he won't buy the drink. That's a broke thirsty nigga. They think because they sweet talk and undress us with their eyes; we will easy got home with them that night.The social media thirsty guy. Just because he comments with compliments and likes the pictures doesn't mean we will fall for him. Its all a social media game to get laid. Filters can fool everyone and in this case; they h…

The reflection of a Queen

Every woman likes to be a dolled up Queen; right? From high heels, to eye shadows, to the color of their nails. We all loved getting dolled up and looking like a Queen for that special occasion. Some want the ultimate compliment after the process and others just want the satisfaction of  knowing we look like a Queen for a day.

 I tend to think getting dolled up means becoming the ultimate  Queen. I was raised  that Beauty is in the eye of the King who sees his Queen from a distance. It doesn't matter the color of her hair, how high are the heels, or what name brand she labels herself. What matters is the beauty within her eyes.

I tend to believe that being NATURAL is the reflection of being a Queen.

I can say that I am a 23 year old young lady who has never dyed my hair, got fake nails, or better yet marked my body. I want to be a natural Queen even after my King arrives. Disregard the waiting process for my king to finally find me; being a Queen never hurts.

Every woman has her we…

A short message to a great friend

Hello Friends,
        I wrote a few days ago a blog regarding the lost of my great friend Eric Catlapp. He was a humble producer who always had a smile. I decided to make a short video regarding how I feel towards his loss. My little sister joined me as you guys can see but my message was sincere. I will miss my producer who always pushed me to go above and beyond.

A Memorial Weekend

First of all I want to Thank all of our fallen soldiers. Without you, our country wouldn't be as strong like it is today.

 My Memorial weekend was a little different than any other traditional holiday. I lost someone I had grown to love and appreciate last Thursday night.

 I had recently came back from Vegas last Tuesday night and hit the studio on Wednesday to shoot a bands performance.  Eric Catlapp who was my producer wanted me to interview the band and be on camera.

 "Hey kiddo, its so nice to see you." Eric said as he hug me when I first walked in the studio. He always had a smile and dressed humble. After shooting the interview with the band, Eric had mentioned he had a photo shoot lined up for mew next month and how he wanted me to be part of his broadcasting company. I used to be the college student who came to the studio to check out how it worked since writing was my passion but he challenged me in front of the camera. I fell in love with being a Reporter!

My pa…

Dressing for opportunities

When going out to events; do we dress for an opportunity?

I was raised that when you leave the house, you must look in the mirror twice.

 I thank my grandparents for raising me with those values that have helped me developed into the woman I am today. As a child, I always wore a dress, polished shoes, and made sure my crazy wavy hair wouldn't cover my face. My grandam always said, "If you want to succeed, you must dress for success."

I have been blessed this year with different opportunities all over the country in my career. Part of the reason for my success if not only being passionate about broadcasting and journalism but also the way I carry myself with my wardrove. I am a strong believer that dressing for opportunities can help you succeed down the road.

"I am bohemian by day, fancy by night. I always make sure the way I dress makes a statement. When I walk down the road, I don't just want to break necks but to be known that I am driven woman."

Last ni…

Freedom is around the corner

Hello fellow students guess what; Freedom is around the corner.

Many of us are ending the headache of finals and gathering out summer plans with out favorite spots. I must say, I know I am thrilled for FREEDOM!

Many of us that live in the heated, sticky town of Fresno, CA cant wait to wear our bikinis and splash in the pool. I happen to be one of them. I must say I just added a new bikini to my collection. I have a bikini for every other day of the week. The beauty of being a girl.

Another great fact about summer break is that we can sleep inn! I had classes all day long and the latest I ever slept inn was 8:30 A.M. I know, I am lame.

Road trips, camping,  lake parties, beach gateways, & clubbing all sound like a great time.

I do not mean to sound like a party animal but during summer break; my She Wolf is unleashed.

This semester I gained a lot of knowledge from the broadcasting program I am inn. I got offered to host a few local fashion shows and do on screen interviews with loca…

She was wearing a short dress

When it comes to Sexual Assaults; how do we defend ourselves?

I had never been sexually assaulted until last night. It was unfortunate but it happened. Sometimes, things happen when we least expect it.

Last night I went out with my ladies, typical ladies night in Tower District in Fresno,CA. I was  raised with Middle Eastern traditions and I have a tendency to dress with modesty however, I am partly  Latina so I have to show off my legs. I wore a short purple dress. It was very modest I  must say. It was  long sleeve, and covered my cleavage. I never thought that wearing that dress was going to get me in trouble.

Through the night, I danced with my ladies, had our  VIP section, and like always get free drinks. The perks of being a lady; a modest lady. I have a tendency of dressing sexy but classy when I go out. It always works for me when it comes to the night life. I like to seduce men with my Arab eyes, and I did last night. I admit I was a little under the influence but maintained…

The Pleasing Game

When being intimate, do women always have to please the guy?
Why cant the pleasing game be for both? I know I want that in my book.

Many women are feed by articles from the media regarding how to please a men or better yet; why!

Well hello Cosmopolitan magazine; you have been my Bible for sinful thoughts and ideas about intimacy but why can we get an article where the guy pleases US!

Every month, Cosmopolitan magazine has articles on how to please the guy. Articles such as "The best position", "What turns him on", and "Epic level to please him".

Why cant we have an article on "Make her happy, eat her out", or "How to reach her climax".
 Now I don't mean to sound like a perverted college gal but lets be honest, don't we want to get please too?

Intimacy is about that connection a couple has and the dynamite they can have together. Well that's my understanding of intimacy but the media has made it seem like intimacy is only about the…

For the love of Finals

When it comes to college; do we really love finals?

 Yes, finals is the obstacle we have to pass to get to the top of the mountain.Finals; the bittersweet thought of studying all day and night just to take an hour exam.We all hope to pass our finals and move on with the next chapter in our education.

I personably have a love/hate relationship with finals. I am a nerd since I am usually at the Fresno State library but sometimes having six different finals to study can be though. From Journalism to African studies; I must aim those finals to get my career goal. Its though I must say.

No one ever said college will be easy but finals sure make it the icing in the cake of though. 

Disregard the study sessions till midnight and cutting my social life; at the end it will be worth it. I see Finals as a short sacrifice of time. I put time in learning what I must know for the final and make sure my papers or projects are perfect. I am not a perfectionist but I like to maintain good work ethics when…

Do I Taste like Pepsi Cola?

When it comes to music, do we  really put attention to the lyrics of what we are singin? I have sometimes catch myself repeating the lyrics of something that sounds a little exotic I must say.

"My Pussy taste like Pepsi cola." I kept repeating while I continued to ignore the lyrics until a guy walking next to me started laughing. I did not realize what I was saying until someone else brought it to my attention.

Apparently I was singing out loud on my way to class, "Come on baby, lets ride." I tend to always have my headphones on while I make my morning routine to class. "I know your wife; she wouldn't mind, we made it out to the other side... come one, come on!" I continued to sing while a few students kept looking at me. After having a few guys smiling at me with the bedroom eyes, I realized I had been singing a sexual song out loud. I diffidently made a great impression with my classmates while I continued to repeat the chorus.

I was carried away by…

The one that got lost

When it comes to past relationships; what do we do when the one that got lost, comes back?

We all have seen the famous HBO series, "Sex in the City." The main character Carrie falls in love with her infamous Mr. Big who comes back and forth in her life. The connection she had for him was infinite and even with the other chapters in her love life; none compare to Mr. Big. As the distance grew, so did their love within time but he always came back when she was happy. At the end of their 10 years of Bad Romance; they get married.

I hate to say this but I am starting to feel like Carrie myself. I had always compared the writer, and style part with hers but not when it came to relationships.

See I had been getting to know a guy who in this comparison can be called "Big" but he somehow got lost on my birthday. The connection I felt for him was something I had never felt for anyone else. We talked on a daily basis and disregard the miles; we had something for each other.…

Fooled by a filter

How many filters did it take for you to realize, they are not the person you imagine after all?

Many people in our technological generation, are fooled by the media when it comes to dating. Some of us used Facebook, My Space, E harmony, but the newest dating site is; Instagram.

 This new dating site is used for the purpose of updating pictures by using filters. Not much of messaging like other media resources do but a picture can say a thousand words.

In this case, a picture can say a thousand likes, comments, and in some cases; dates.
Instagram, the new social networking that allows you to follow, like, and  comment on anyone's picture. Many picture we post can be filtered with one that makes our pictures, the most popular.

I have seen how one picture can make someone want you but when its filtered to its best; they desire you! Some followers are blunt, some are demanding, and some are romantic with the comments they post on your picture.

In some cases, a comment has become a text, a d…

Single in the City

When it comes to our college lifestyle do we prefer to be; Single in the City?


Most city college students are dedicated to their education but there is always a few love birds flying through our campus. When we see them, do we get sad or shake our head thinking, "They don't know better."

College is considered one of the best years of our lives. Many individuals wished they could off gone to college or better yet; focused when they where attending. Many of us live in the library working on the next assignment while others hunt for an educated individual to take out for a date.
I have been one of the victims in the past who had been caught by a group of college fisherman. The first thing they ask is if I am single or better yet, available. I usually laugh and respond with, "Are you trying to get your education or are you trying to get laid?" Their reaction has been, "I want an educated woman or better yet, I want to try an educated woman." Either way; I us…