The Year I Became a Woman

We all have that one year that breaks us, transforms us, or better yet, fucking molds us! This year I can say I became the Woman I saw getting lost in the fog of this cold and gloomy city.

As the year is about to end in the next few days, I came to the realization that this year, I have changed in so many ways.

I can say I am in the career path I have always dreamt off, got healthier which I will cover later one but the one thing I can gladly say is that I learned to love myself without having to love anyone else.

The year I became a woman.(Photography by Allison Ekevara Kitpowsong).

Last year was one of the worst years of my life. I lost my sister Gaby, I was battling breast cancer (I never came public about it), and I was hanging on a treat in a toxic relationship with a few people who had control over me.

That year was a shit show. I wasn't happy, healthy, or satisfied with a lot and I promised myself after midnight that this year, I was going to change my life.

This year at midnight I made myself a wish as I sat on top to the rocky hills of Corona park in the Castro and tried to see the firework show.  I saw around me all the couples giving each other a New Years kiss yet I was sitting there alone and hopeless wishing for a better year.

Sadly my car died that night so that was a bumpy ride however the next day my father came to the rescue me with a new battery for my ride.

As my father and I are sitting by the window in a Thai restaurant in the Haight Ashbury, he took a sip of his Thai ice tea  and said, "I truly hope this year is better for you mija." I could tell he was sincere about it.

This was the picture I took of my father during our lunch in the Haight.

"Nothing broke my heart more than hearing you cry on the phone when your best friend passed away and seeing you in pain after radiation." He continued as I tried not to tear up as we made eye contact.

That afternoon, I decided that this year was going to change. As so the year I became a woman.

I went to Mexico the first week of January to decompress and enjoy my roots with good tequila and tacos from my grandma's house. As we played poker she said the same my father said to me the week before, "I hope this year is better for you mija."

Driving back 12 hours from Mexico to San Francisco gave me enough time to think of the changes and transformations I wanted in life.

I promise myself this year I was going to cut off toxic people, love myself first, and write more. So I did!

This year I worked my ass off at work and was promoted within 3 months to Social Media director and main publicist. Yes, I moved up in the company and the best was, I did not have to get on my fucking knees like some have. My hard work and dedication surely paid off.

Another thing I needed to end was toxic relationships. I had a few friends who will cross the line and I always gave them a second chance but this time...bye bye.

My skin became thicker even with the holes in my arms from all the needles that went in my body due to my treatments. I did not let those small holes let the toxic fluids from those who hurt me in the past enter me anymore.

The toughest part this year was cutting off my ex of 5 years completely! It's not easy when you are madly in love with someone but after so many reality checks and knowing I needed to change things in my life I said also to him; Essa Bye Bye!

I decided to try dating well, more like snacking. I go on dates but its hard to find someone that makes your heart skip under the city lights. Its possible and it can happen but sadly they end up living across the country and well, that won't work.

Full disclosure, I did try dating someone but when they found out of my cancer, shit hit the fan and he couldn't handle it. Sadly, that is one of the reasons why I stopped trying to give love another chance.

Back to changes, I decided to get more physically active and so did the boxing gloves began to be part of my weekly ritual. I did not know how much anger I could release with a few punches but I sure did learn to throw down a mean kick and a few great jabs. According to the few guys that have been hit by my so far.

I developed my business more through the year and I am proud to say I have clients now from Argentina, Mexico, and home in San Francisco. I had a few different career routes but this year I fully bloomed into the publicist and Social Media Director I always wanted to be.

Capturing more content for my company at a Pop Up Boutique event I created and hosted with Gardenia Boutique.

Sadly not everything has been pouring like confetti and sweet like sugar cookies.

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer once more and kept it under the table to avoid pitty but also drama in the family. I was very quiet about it and only my close friends and father knew of my condition. I had my radiation, monthly mammograms, and I did have surgery. I can say I have 2 warrior scars on my breasts and I will forever own them.

My condition was getting worse and the daily pain was becoming unbearable so I decided to make a lot of changes to my body in favor of my treatment to help me and save me. Yes, I said Save.

I took this picture not to brag me being in the hospital but to have as a memory from the last time I had surgery. 

I became a pescatarian and more disciplined with my daily pill box. Don't get fooled, my Snapchat might be lit with me going out dancing and drinking but 3 drinks are my limit and I know when its time to play or to rest.

I traveled more this year and to be honest, I was in so much fucking pain on the plane while I was on my way to Argentina or Brazil but I wanted to go so I put my pain away and did it anyway. Wow, I sound like a Mexican corrido you will sing while pouring the third shot of tequila.

This was by far my favorite day this year. I went to the Iguazu Falls and experience one of the wonders of the world.

Well, last week I got the great news that I am Cancer free! Well for now but still there is no better feeling than ending the year with great news.

As the year is ending I can say I have accomplished and learned a lot. From swiping to the left and leaving toxic dates to writing on a daily basis to finish what I always wanted to do, publish a great fucking book.

I truly hope next year I move to my next destination, start investing in property, finish my book, and hopefully find my other half who will accept the woman I am.

I can say this year has been one of the best so far and in the words of my father, "This was the year you became a woman."

XOXO,
Gardenia Zuniga-Haro